gosh.everything just seems to pass in a whirl. all the fun days. its all gonna go. just like that.
i dont want to cry. i dont want to feel sad. i dont want to feel anything
stupid sec 3s, why did you guys have to make that ultra sad video.. now i dont want to leave.
you know the feeling of regret, remorse. its the horriblest things that you can feel.
sometimes you wish you didnt do it. but if you didnt do it, its gonna be unfair. but you still feel sad.
aiyah. why am i still brooding over it.
STOP IT KRISTI. you can get over it. stop thinking about it. WAKE UP.
i feel like crying. but i cant. not for no reason. its not good. but i have alot of bad steam inside me.
cant i just have a hug.
god. if you're there. please save me. stop me from sinking further. take everything away. let it all go away. amen.
a shout of praise.
11:11 PM
bio and ss are finally over.. finally. and there's only e math left.. really.. i think the whole prelim thing is getting to me. and today during chapel was just the saddest thing.. i just remembered all the things that's happened the past week, all the hurt i've caused, all the hurt i've felt. sometimes you dont want to do it, you just want to get your point across, you lose control and just.. sin. then we sang here i am to worship, dunno why that song has some kind of significant meaning to me.. some how i just felt that god just told me how much i need to come back before him again.. just to worship him, and keep my focus on him and not anything else.. but its just been so hard, all the temptations that ease me into sin, i dunno. life just seems.. so difficult all over again..
today the pastor talked about being changed, and having a transformation in christ.. it made me think how much i've grown over the past few years, even though it may not exactly be in a good way, just maybe maturing physically and mentally, but i wonder if i mature spiritually. i guess things like these take time, but how much time do i have left i wonder. i wonder if i actually try. actually put in an effort to spend time alone with him, just talking and spending time reflecting on my spiritual needs. sometimes i wonder if it is all just external, if it is ever internal. the list just goes on..
its just 4 weeks more till prelims. ms ho reminded us during the practice paper today. its time to start planning and balancing my studies and sleep and activities. i've decided to limit activites to just one night a week, and then every day else would be studying and preparation. piano ties in too, but i really hate playing it. :
i want to go for sonicfest!!! i want to go for the hillsong and delirious concert!! i want to go for lovemg!!! i want to just go and worship and give thanks and forget temporarily about the exams. god's my focus. through him all things are possible. yupp. i need the faith.
a shout of praise.
8:57 PM
bleah. the past week has been horrible. a math is getting worse.. I HATE RELATIVE VELOCITY. its SO SO SO SO confusing.. bleah. and i have not touched the laptop in a week! until yesterday of course cos i was gonna do the
YET blog.. hehhe. i think it's quite cool. so proud of it.. LOL.
oh guess what. the subject combi selection form came in the mail a couple of days ago.. i hope i choose the right subjects. i feel quite hesitant to take econs cos i havent done it before and i'm at an disadvantage cos the girls already know what its all abt from the previous year.. right. so. when i enter at yr 12. its gonna be crazee. bleah. at least ive got a consolation. i'm taking media studies! (: so i feel better at least.
monday's the paper. bleah. i hope i've studied enough. HOPE HOPE HOPE (X
and founder's day is coming really soon.. then national day then prelims. PRELIM!! i'm not ready. and so many people are starting to drop subjects. BLEAH. jiaen dropped bio, shuj dropped chem. NOT fair. i wanna drop geog. ): oh sighhh. i have to start working hard for it.
bleah. every day seems to be passing so quickly. so hard to stop and enjoy everything that god has given me. instead i keep grumbling that life is unfair and life cant get anyy worse. endless procrastination. i wonder when i'll actually start to think about god first before my studies. i remember last year i used to pray ferverntly first to make sure everything i study will stick in my brain cells and not just diffuse away. but then this year i havent done anything of it. i've just been looking only at my books.
i'm so so so guilty.
a shout of praise.
8:07 PM
aieee. yay. i feel really proud of myself. my chem studies are getting better again (i hope.. X ) and i've almost finished studying the whole syllabus.. whoopiedoops. then i can do bio and then on to the dreaded humanities.. : ARGH. thats disgusting.
oh yeah. i just did the eight of us blog.. (: redid the layout and all. i feel like doing mine again, but i just changed my layout. oh well. nvm then. next time. yupp
heee. realised i havent blogged in a while. i guess i dont really have the time to anymore so i might not be updating so regularly..
i'm looking forward to the long weekend.. i'm gonna enjoy every single day of it and not procrastinate. o level chinese oral is on wed and i am so NOT looking forward to it.. : i think we get nanyang and chinese high. how awful. the lethal-est combination. and my chinese speaking? frankly, i think it sucks. totally nonsense and wrong usage of words. bleah. so as long as this weekend is still here, i will not waste a single minute. hmmm. i guess that means more studying
which reminds me. i think i'm turning into a nerd. studying is addictive you know. i'm getting the hang of it again.. which is. AWESOME. i hope my grades get better though. i havent seen improvement. but then again., there arent any tests yet. :S hmm.
alright la. i'm just writing till here. yupp.
a shout of praise.
4:45 AM
